Women are Fake

The shapely menace, weighing down the more competent half of the species for literally trillions of years with their incessant complaining. If I'm being generous, I'll call women a half-truth. They make half as much as men, can only lift half their body weight on a good day. But really, that's dishonest, because their primary attribute negates every little ounce of competence they have; Laziness.

Have you ever seen a woman accomplish anything on her own? No, of course not, because women are a lot like cats. Spiteful, unloving, fat as fuck, and ugly when bald. They're domesticated pets by any other name, because evolving strong traits like every other species is too hard.

Women are obsessed with sex. They pretend that female sexuality a cross unlike anything a man has had to carry. But then, why do they put out the moment you compliment their shoes? So rare is it that any woman will refuse sex for any reason, that on the first in a billion tries they work up the nerve, they brag about it for the rest of their lives. But, then, suddenly, when we slip them a quaalude or strip on a bus while confessing our love to them, or when we lure them behind a dumpster then knock them out with my middle school baseball trophy and ...[REDACTED]... suddenly it's a problem! They just can't make up their minds!

God forbid you meet a lesbian, every one of whom's entire identity boils "I'm not a whore, right Daddy? Do you love me now?" No, we don't. It's pitiable, and this insecurity is the key to the female worldview.

Sex is how the female is able to convince men that anything they think or say should matter. Their life experience peaks at 15, and they have no significant leaps in maturity again until they hit the wall at 40, realize their entire life was wasted on unionizing against men for having to brush their teeth, and kill themselves. So, they use their bodies to create addiction in young men too inexperienced themselves to know any better, and lock them in for as long as they can tolerate one another., So that all they have to do is nag and nag and nag and nag and nag, and eventually, things just happen, like magic!

Ever wonder why women fall for healing crystals and herbal medicine pyramid schemes? Why they unironically believe their fortune cookies or pay regular visits to psychic shops? That's actually how the world works for them! They occupy an entirely different reality.

Selfishness is the name of the game. Women only care about things that benefit them. They don’t care about anyone else unless it’s to somehow lift themselves up. Women will express interest insofar as they get to moan about the ways patriarchy causes all their problems. Or if they think it’ll get them laid. But they are incapable of selflessly caring about anyone else.

In the old world, women were able to live parasitically off men for their entire lives because we needed their butts for children. As long as they kept the nest together, we'd generously lend them our value so that both they and the offspring could live healthy, happy lives. But, with the breakdown of the family unit in the post-industry, post Feminist world, they have betrayed this contract and forced the transfer of value by the force of state guns without contributing anything themselves. This has led to men, not settling down, not having children, and seeking out alternatives, with huge strides in the past decade.

In 2011, a new kind of human came to light, perhaps they were created by the shifting of the electrical tides after the Y2K incident, or perhaps a the time-space continuum fluctuates at around that same time. Or, maybe, it's simply an answered prayer. They call themselves "transgender."

It sounds like a fancy word, but what it really boils down to is, a woman, but she doesn't leach on your value, just your attention, and is far more willing and capable of providing a fulfilling sex life. But, our Lord and Saviour, King of Practical Jokes, stole from these divine creatures the ability to reproduce, so, alas, it's a dead end... or is it?

In 2015, VR got kinda good enough that you could make porn on it, so they did! Marking the official point where women cannot deliver a good enough experience in bed to reliably create addiction. A small first step, but paired with other alternate stimuli, in the future, it may be our salvation.

In 2016, Donald Trump became President of the United States of America. He promised us tax reform, a revitalization of our national identity, and a new standard of National Security unlike any the world had seen before. But, behind the scenes, his cabinet had other, more pressing priorities. Scientists were given funding beyond their wildest dreams, for the Republicans knew that to repair America, you first have to repair the family. Not to be outdone, China began looking into competitive solutions as well.

In 2018, the United States was able to successfully clone the first male primate on record. "JoJo" as he is affectionately called, has been living a healthy life for the past 2 years, and it looks as though he doesn't suffer from any abnormalities. Were this process reliably duplicated, we could free ourselves from the female parasite without the reproductive constraint.

In 2019, the first reported instance of a cat/girl hybrid fetus was reported. This chimera is planned to have the intellect, behavior, and agility of a cat, while maintaining the appearance and sex drive of the ideal young woman. "The goal is to not only keep them as pets, but ideally, for the catgirl to have a working reproductive system." said one of the Doctors at Beijing University. Sadly, the first sample did not reach maturity, but Chinese scientists are optimistic, some claim that you may find them in your pet store as soon as 2030! If these were to be adopted as mainstream pets it would change the entire ecosystem.

I suppose the conclusion of this article is... No, women are not fake... but, they will be, sooner than you think. Give it time, reader, the world will be ours again. All we have to do is keep our Jack Daniels handy, lay back, watch ESPN every Saturday, and the future will take care of itself.

VIVA LA REVOLUCION! VIVA LA VERGE! VIVA LA GAMERGATE 3.0! VIVA LA VIRILITE!!!